Hello all bloggers! now then, here is a script I wrote a while ago but I thought it would be pretty good to get some feedback on it. Its a short and (hopefully) funny script. Comments would be greatly appreciated and I hope you enjoy reading it!
from Abbly Bartonia :)!
Scene – In a university student’s room. A student is scene wrapped in a duvet lying on his bed. The curtains are drawn and we see that the clock reads 1.30pm. There is a loud knock on the door.
Mike – JIM! WAKE UP MATE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE LAST 3 DAYS!! FREAKIN’ NARNIA??!! WE HAVEN’T SEEN YOU!! JIIIIIIIIIIIM! (Knocks on the door) WHERE ARE YOU!!
Jim wriggles around in the duvet. A bin liner falls on his bed and cups fall to the floor. There is a lot of bin liners and mess everywhere.
Jim – Jim isn’t here right now, please leave a message after the tone. TONE!
Mike – ha ha you comic genius. Let me in I would quite like to see my best mate since I haven’t seen you for days.
Jim– the door's open.
Mike enters. He looks around at the mess.
Mike – Wow. This scale of mess almost deserves an award.
Jim – I know. Stop. (Mike stops) Ok. Step over the week old laundry (Mike does so holding his nose) Turn left at the mouldy bin liners. (Mike does so) Step over the rabbit droppings (does so looking confused). Step to the left, then the right and over the mushrooms (Mike does so) and mind out for the mould pots and pans.
Mike finally arrives at the bedside. He picks up the bin liner that fell on Jim.
Mike – WAKEY WAKEY!
Jim – SOD OFF! (Pulls covers over his head)
Mike moves a bin liner off a chair and sits down next to the bed.
Jim – What day is it?
Mike – Tuesday.
Jim – What time is it?
Mike – Half one.
Jim- SHIT! (Sits up)
Mike – No point in panicking mate. You have missed the lecture and the seminar. Steve is NOT happy with you. You have to go see him sometime tomorrow.
Jim – Bugger. This is all I need.
Jim lies back down. Mike picks up pans and throws them to one side of the room, and picks up a weird shaped kettle.
Mike – Jim, What the hell is this?
Jim – (getting up) I dunno, got off a bloke in town. You know the weird guy that sits in doorway of Spoons every so often? Him. He sort of, threw it at me. He mentioned something about the inscription on the side and then screamed about the Romans invading. I didn’t pay that much attention, I had spent the afternoon in the Litten Tree trying to get the bar maids number. I didn’t get it. I was however pretty drunk.
Mike – I can’t read the inscription (spits on the kettle and rubs)
A poof of smoke and suddenly a young girl appear. She is in bright clothes and has a drink in one hand. The two boys stand looking shocked.
Genie – (talking to a wall) And so I said to Shakespeare, Oi mate, you’re bard! Hahaha!!.....oh... wow!! That was weird. One minute having a lovely discussion with the President and now I am here. Where ever here is. (Turns around) Oh hello. Who are you two? I do apologise, my names is Jenny and I am a genie. Crikey this room is filthy!...
Mike – [Interrupting] I’m sorry, but did you just say, Genie?
Genie – Well aren’t you quick. Yes. I am. I am a genie! (A poof of coloured smoke appears from nowhere) And I am at your service. Now are you going to tell me who my new “master” is? Which one of you rubbed the kettle?
Mike – ME!
Jim- My kettle!!
Genie – Great another one of these situations.
Jim – What do you mean?
Genie – Right, here are the rules for you. Rule number one; you get three wishes, and ONLY three wishes. None of this “I want unlimited wishes!” rubbish. Rule number two, I don’t do causing major events e.g. war. And rule number three I can’t make people fall in love. Do we have a deal? (The boys nod) Good. Now here comes the hard part. Right with this situation, since you rubbed the kettle (points at mike) and it belongs to you (points at Jim), you both get one wish each and then a joint wish ok?
Mike – What!! No way! That’s rubbish!
Genie – Hey! I don’t make the rules!
Jim – ok. We will have to make our choices carefully Mike. This is a once in a life time opportunity. We have an actual genie! GENIE! Feels like I am in a bizarre Disney movie. We can’t waste the opportunity we have. We don’t want to make some ridiculous choice like “I wish I had a bacon sandwich”.
A bacon sandwich appears in his mouth interrupting. Jim chokes on the bacon sandwich and spits it out in his hands. He looks shocked.
Jim- Hang on! That wasn’t my wish!!
Genie – you said the words “I wish I had a bacon sandwich” so; it kinda makes it a wish.
Mike – hahahaha! That’s BRILLAINT! I so wish I could have got that moment on camera ! hahahah!
A camera appears.
Mike – Hang on! That wasn’t my wish either!
Jim – HA! Not so funny now is it? Hmm!
Genie – To late, one wish left lads, what’s it going to be? Actually think carefully this time.
The boys whisper to each other.
Mike – we wish, you would go back into the lamp and stop bugging us.
Genie – That I can do Pleasure meeting you both, see you boys.
She disappears. The two boys look at each other in disbelief.
Jim – Did that REALLY just happen?
Mike – How much have we had to drink?
Jim – I dunno. But that. Was. Weird.
Mike – Maybe, keep this just between us two, yeah?
Jim – Good plan. People might start to think we have lost the plot.
Mike – Agreed.
Jim – I think maybe would be a good time to get some fresh air. I have been in here long enough.
Jim gets out of bed and they swiftly leave the room.
The End
By Abbly Bartonia - 1/12/10
Ahhh it's great! you have such a good comic voice. It flowed really well although I think near the beginning when Mike is knocking on the door he might pause to listen if Jim is in there?
ReplyDeleteIt's quite similar to Aladdin with the inscprition and the rules but then I guess all genie stories have that in it, it was quite a funny poke at Disney in a way I thought!
I really liked this though, it has an awesome comic tone and it's really easy to read through without getting lost or anything. Me likey! x
YAY :) glad you like it :) I am glad its comical as that was the main purpose of it :) !! glad you enjoyed it ^_^ x
ReplyDelete